7 Suggestions on How a Gender Advocate Should Relate With Her Fellow Women.
How to be a girl’s girl.
Many of us women know what feminism is, per what we expect from men, or the society. But I dare say, not enough women similarly know what feminism ought to look like in relation to their fellow women.
It's so easy to live by a feminism theory that thrives on an adversarial approach to issues, especially to men.
But it's more difficult to adopt the correct posture in relation to your fellow women, and this is because, while women think they're fighting against ages of undue patriarchal expectations, they have also been nurtured to participate in many of these anti-women sentiments themselves without knowing.
A lot of women sustain the perspective of the world when viewing their fellow women, and only become agitators when they’re the objects of the oppression.
Here are some of my suggestions on how a true feminist will behave in relation to her fellow woman, because, at the core, feminism says that women are deserving of dignity, respect and possess inherent in themselves, the right to be treated fairly, and with consideration.
1. Do not take another woman’s man. If you respect her enough, you’d find someone else and this has nothing to do with "It’s not me who made vows to her." It’s simply about respecting another human’s boundaries, someone you claim is deserving of respect.
2. Compliment another woman when she’s doing well in her career, her business, parenting, or her fashion.
Do not admire silently. It quickly turns into envy. Next, you’re trying to enact yours and steal ideas. Let them know when you find something admirable about them.
You have a beautiful family. Your hairs are always lovely. I admire the kind of marriage you have. You wear the best shoes. You’re very intelligent; I like your ideas. You have a presence! Your business acumen is 💯!
Say it! Don't discount, dismiss, or make arguments in your head about why it was easier for her to have what she has. Genuinely give the words of affirmation that you know you too deeply seek.
3. Don’t spread lies and falsehood about her, especially as it relates to her relationships, and use of her body.
It often baffles me that when women are engaged in an altercation, one thing one or both of them very quickly call the other is ashewo or an iteration of it.
The same thing the average man readily resorts to when he wants to shame even a decent woman, a woman, even without proof of her assertion, quickly labels her fellow woman same, often because she’s aware of her familiarity or a liaison with a male figure.
Don’t be that woman that is quick to throw her fellow woman’s virtue under the bus in the heat of an argument or in the lusty temptations of a sweet gossip session. Don’t be the woman that happily questions other women’s use of their bodies because you can’t imagine how they’ve gotten that far when you haven’t.
Perhaps, if you were half as pretty, half as hardworking, ambitious or favored you might have come close.
4. Don’t create toxic work or friendship environments for other women. You are angry at something she did? Tell her. Don’t keep malice, become passive aggressive, throw silent tantrums, display untoward mood swings and other poor communication habits when there’s a misunderstanding. As women, one of our perennial weaknesses is our disposition to other backhanded forms of communications, which often stall understanding.
The only women in the office don’t need to sustain a beef with each other.
Your female friendships can last longer if only you’ll communicate better. It doesn’t have to be the case that when two women are in the same space, they become catty adversaries.
Put in your best effort to get along with other women. Don’t wait for her to greet you first because she seems younger or you were there first. Don’t create cliques, factions and class barriers in your environment that irrationally exclude another woman and makes her feel like an outsider. It’s enough that women have to fight hard to be taken seriously, especially in the tables that matter. Don’t create additional internal barriers that weaken another woman’s resolve and make her want to find another circle.
5. Lastly, mention her in rooms that matter.
The most successful women movement is one where most, if not all women advance, grow and become. You should not be the only woman flying high. You were not created to be.
