Addressing Salient Issues on Sexual Purity/ Virginity.
A 3-Part Series
In Nigeria (read Africa), religious folks canvass for sexual discipline with words like 'purity,' but I’ve noticed that in the western world, that word is akin to a pariah. It is associated with shame, and derogatorily referred to as 'purity culture.'
Take this post I came across recently by a ‘christian blogger’ demonising messages of keeping our bodies, and asking pastors to instead call it sexual integrity (which involves being careful with the who and the when) instead of sexual purity.
Now, if you carefully follow the pattern with which many previously un-traditional ideals became mainstream, you’d observe that, it first started with them being considered as outcasts (e.g the LGBTQIA++ community), then their consistent agitations soon demanded an awkward posture of political correctness by society in their favor....
Then, after a while, there’s a growing societal de-sensitivity to what was previously alarming.
As this happens, governments and policy makers soon buckle under pressure in a bid to seem representative, and for fear of being on the wrong side of social rebuke or cancel culture.
So, policies are officially enacted to accommodate these burgeoning theories. After a while, you become the outcast for refusing to align with the original outcasts.
Then with more time, the outcasts and their belief system become the norm, not necessarily by having the greater number of the population in practice of their beliefs, but because they've pushed so hard....
that the tools of media, regulations and policies have enabled them to seem mainstream, and at this point, it becomes a sort of status symbol for even those on the opposite end to start showing support to these sect.
At this point, the cycle of colonization and saturation is nearing its completion.
The majority of non-aligners by practice, become the minority by weight of influence and soon begin to fight a defender's game, one in which they feel the need to defend their position which now seems outlandish, and now have to moderate their speech and actions because if they speak with the former flourish they used to, they are viewed as mad; the new outcasts.
In the end it is clear that the way modern society works, narratives are shaped not necessarily by the reality on ground, but by what the media and the loudest voices say is the reality.
This is quickly becoming where we are with sexual consecration discussions. The departers are pushing their agendas so hard and so loud, that those in obedience are perceived as dysfunctional.
But we’ll come back to this in part 2. For now, the question I hope to address in the first instalment of this series is: SEXUAL PURITY; WHO IS IT FOR?
Sometimes I come across videos of christians online identifying with their decisions to remain virgins or celibate until marriage and there is always that one comment from detractors saying,
"It's not by virginity. Do you have good character? Because your husband will live with your character, not your virginity."
Valid thought. But the obvious and ancient problem with these sorts of comments is 2-fold.
First, we have erroneously equated sexual discipline with femaleness; something to request from women only. The bible vehemently thinks differently. But I'll address this point in another part of this series.
The second problem with such comments (which this post will address) is, we have erroneously narrowed the core receiver of this virtue to being a husband( or wife), and not God.
The essence of consecrating ourselves all the way from scripture, was never for a spouse. It was always for God. To think any human deserves this sacrifice is to attempt to attribute what is for the divine, to mere mortals.
Consecration in scripture was always an act of worship to God. God told Moses to ask the people to consecrate themselves and then, He will appear in their midst. Exodus 19:10
Jesus said in Hebrews 10:5;
"Sacrifices & offerings you did not desire, BUT A BODY YOU HAVE PREPARED FOR ME.
Behold, I have come, TO DO YOUR WILL OH GOD."
Paul writing in Romans 12: 1(KJV) said;
"Present your bodies a living sacrifice; holy and acceptable UNTO GOD, which is your reasonable service."
Again, in 1 Corinthians 6: 13, he says to believers;
“…the body is for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.”
Later in verse 20 of that chapter, Paul says;
“…glorify God in your body…which is God’s.”
Final scripture. 1 Thess 4:3;
"FOR THIS IS THE WILL OF GOD: your sanctification... that each if you should know how to possess his own body in sanctification..."
Now, he goes further in verse 8 of that chapter to say,
"He who rejects this does not reject man, but God who has given us His holy Spirit."
From all the following, it is clear. Just as man cannot give eternal damnation for sexual perversion, man also cannot give the reward for bodily sanctification.
Our honor of our bodies as believers is primarily an act of worship to God, AND NOT A GIFT TO SPOUSE, or favorite boyfriend/girlfriend, true love, soul mate, or the love of our lives.
We do it, or ought to do it because by new covenant principles, our body is His temple. Did you notice the rage with which Jesus drove out the merchants from the temple?
Now, why this is important to emphasize is because, I have heard of women who talk about their sexual discipline but it ended when it came to a special man they weren’t married to.
Years ago, I had this very beautiful friend who had a lot of men vying for her attention.
She interacted with them and kept them around. One day, she told me proudly that she didn’t mess around with any of these men sexually.
She kept them around only for financial gains because they spent on her in hope she’ll say yes. The only person she was sexually active with was her official male partner at the time; the true love of her life.
It made me realise the danger of thinking of our bodies primarily as gifts to men. One day, you will find that one person that ticks all the boxes and it will feel like a privilege to share intimacy with them, and satan will beguile your minds into thinking that what you share is pure, and exclusive and special, although you’re both still unmarried.
Online, I see alot of women-centred pages tell women to only have physical intimacy with men who provide for them and show them commitment. From a secular standpoint, this makes total sense. But again, this is not God’s standard.
Now, if we follow God's way, our spouses will benefit from our sexual consecration. Just like how God sent a word to Jacob and it lighted the whole of Israel.
So, yes it was not primarily for a human being. But the legitimate humans in the equation will also benefit from it.
Second reason why we must get it right on who our consecration is for, is this; Few humans are worthy of this sacrifice, frankly. Chances are that your spouse may have not kept themselves for you. So, if this was a gift for them, what gift did they give you in return?
Or you don’t deserve the gift of a virgin spouse too?
It’s this thinking that led many disgruntled women to cheat back on their spouses after discovering he had been unfaithful. They did not understood that their bodily consecration was first an act of worship unto God.
Another weak reason people preach about celibacy, or keep their virginity is to ace their chances of getting married, and this is exclusively touted for ladies.
Yet, non-virgins get married every day at the same speed as virgins. (Because seriously, who’s checking?) So, if a lady decided to stay pure mainly for the purpose of snagging a husband, statistically she doesn’t seem to have a marginally significant chance over non-virgins.
Plus, there are good women, virgins who are still single, and not because they have bad character or are too choosy. Their divine season hasn’t just come.
Then there’s the “your husband will respect you more trope, also exclusively touted for ladies. Again, this has not proven to be realistically true. The best husbands are not all men whose wives were married as virgins, definitely.
Therefore, preaching virginity or sexual purity for the primary purpose of attracting a spouse is a bad idea as it may raise spiritually entitled folks who keep God’s instruction not because they love God, but because of what they hope to receive, and who may become disgruntled and offended at God later in life if life doesn’t pan out as they’d expected.
The parable of the ten virgins in the scripture is proof that the physical structure for a thing may exist, but it is knowledge and the presence of the Spirit that causes it to thrive.
Therefore, who requested for & who alone deserves the worship of our sanctified bodies while we are single? God.
Of course, once people are married, there's a bilateral obligation on each other's bodies, and each now owe the other, in addition to God, the duty of using their body rightly, because as Apostle Paul said, their bodies now belong to each other.
