My Ideal Kind of Women’s Advocate.
Pointers That an Acclaimed women’s Advocate isn’t truly one.
In this age when it is both fashionable and abhorrent to identify as a feminist, or more mildly put, a women’s Advocate, depending on what society you exist in, I think it’s important to spell out the markings of bad eggs that have the capacity to smear an otherwise valid and humane movement.
Among the several classes of women that I think do more than good to gender advocacy, are women who claim to be women advocates, feminists, gender activists or some other gendered appellation that favors women, BUT ARE NOT RESPECTFUL TO THEIR FELLOW WOMEN.
I’ve observed a couple of women who publicly speak on women-centred causes, side strongly with the women in all of these sordid domestic stories that go viral online every other day, and who vehemently condemn what they perceive to be the high-handed indiscretions of men, but when faced with their fellow women in a disagreement- a conversation that should lead to more learning, they forget that these other women are the epicentres of their activism, the gender they claim is worthy of equal respect; and yet they use the same virulence with which they agitate against inequality, patriarchy or unfairness against women, to respond to thesé fellow women, even on issues where they were both right.
As far as I'm concerned, if your women advocacy only entails you speaking and fighting for women, when in actual sense you do not sustain a core, underlying respect for women, then your advocacy is dubious.
Perhaps the reason you feel and speak so strongly is because you were born a woman. If you were a man, you'd perhaps be a misogynist.
Because you don’t even have enough respect for your fellow women whom you claim to speak for, so perhaps, your problem isn’t men. Perhaps your problem is just others asides yourself, anyone on the other end of a divide.
Sometimes, these women make the mortal freudian slip by admitting they don’t like or have or trust female friends. (Mind you, they don’t have male friends either.) Later, when their women advocacy is called out on account of this statement, they try to reframe it by claiming that they generally don’t keep friends.
So men are scum. Women are toxic. Only you and Jesus are pure on the earth.
These women in their own tactless responses(more like retorts) to other women on issues they disagree on, even if the other women are polite, show that they neither rate men nor women.
So why call yourself a women's advocate?
Respect is my ultimate love language, and I give it out first to all- male or female, until someone proves to not be worthy of it. But beyond this, I intentionally respect my fellow women because one thing I know that the world would rather give animals than women, is respect.
I recently read a stranger argue aimlessly for hours about how that women did not need respect. What women wanted, according to him, was attention, love, affection, yrduajhhshshs.
Respect was for men. Even when a number of women replied his comment, informing him that they received respect as a sign of love too, he insisted that women didn’t really need respect.
If I enter a room- except my fellow woman there is acting shady- I want her to feel seen by me. Respected. If we disagree, as long as I don’t perceive her to be a bimbo, or weak-willed, we can have a healthy conversation.
I would never regard women whose feminism can not stand questioning; who can’t defend their positions with wit, equanimity and grace, especially if they were not under any form of attack- overt or subliminal.(If others are trying to be silly with you, ok, I get it. Sheath your sword!)
I can never understand women who fight for women online but in real life aren’t comfortable in the presence of other women, don’t have a token of women in their own private circle, and who can’t trust any other woman.
I can’t understand feminists who don’t see the wrong in having affairs with other women’s partners. At least, if not for faith sake, for the mere fact of respecting another woman’s boundaries, shouldn’t this be a thing for you?
I think in the presence of a true women’s advocate, other well-meaning women should breathe comfortably; your presence in a room full of other women should feel like a warm, fluffy blanket with the scent of vanilla.
If other women feel stifled around you, can’t make their own choices without you breathing hard on them and unleashing the dragon’s fire, if you can’t disagree with other women without becoming condescending or highlighting any of the famous gendered insults society typically hurls as women( their age, looks, or marital status), then perhaps men are not your problem.
Perhaps you just don't like people, and its only a miracle you were born a woman.
