On Childhood Traumas, Family Dysfunctions, Therapy and Emotional Healing……
An African Christian’s Perspective.
Lately, I’ve noticed that a younger crop of Nigerian preachers have begun to talk about family dysfunctions and generational traumas, not from a spiritual perspective, but a psychological and social perspective and how they shape our behavioral patterns.
If you’ve stumbled on a couple of Instagram reels recently, you’d have heard the word, "heal" alot, and this time, they don’t mean 'healing' in the sense of that spiritual miracle administered by a clergy to someone who’s bodily sick.
They mean, do the work to rise above your personal insecurities, identify your negative patterns and detach from the traumas handed down to you from family or earlier acquaintances.
Personally, I think this focus is beautiful. Christian theology teaches us that man is a spirit, posseses a soul and lives in a body.
It appears that since forever, we understand that the essence of spiritual activities is to provide for our spiritual needs. We tend to our bodies (I hope), then when it comes to our soul, we make nebulous references to personal development, which more often than not, only address our intellects and not our emotions.
I remember being on a Christian WhatsApp group for Singles & Married and this subject came up, and I talked about how we needed to make therapy a part of our culture more. Too many people were carrying baggage into new relationships or marriages.
Baggage they did not identify as baggage.
I mentioned that, even if you don’t have money or access to a professional, you can read books to understand your psyche more. I was a teenager when I read one book that explained that in all of us, is a child, a parent and an adult.
Someone in the group responded that it wasn’t necessary. As christians we have the Bible and that is enough.
Is the bible enough? Yes. But certain details about the functioning of our soul, understanding our personalities, identifying our inclinations and tracing their sources are not spelt out in the scriptures.
But God gave these wisdom to men. The same way He gave skill and craftsmanship to Aholiab and Bezaleel for building the temple. The same way He gave Solomon unusual wisdom for leadership.
If you can go to school to acquire formal éducation and not look to the scripture to teach you the details of modern medicine,
Why can’t you study or go to men who have done the work on understanding the human mind, behavioral patterns, proffering solutions to childhood traumas etc.
And we all know that the fact that you're a passionate Christian doesn't mean you have the level of emotional intelligence and mental awareness it takes to navigate your inner life.
Some christians are not even aware they have existing issues. Yes, as you begin to ascend in your walk with the Holy spirit, these things begin to come to the light and a transformation does happen, but how many believers would do the work to nurture an intimate walk with the Lord?
This person who responded to me, also mentioned that despite the western world having tons of therapists and having made sufficient academic discoveries on the human mind, divorce rate was still higher there than in Africa.
Again, this is the ignorant disposition alot of African folks have about African marriages and families.
I have always said it, that just because our culture is yet to fully embrace going to court to petition for divorce, doesn't mean we have better marriages.
If the only indicator for a good marriage is longevity (which clearly is not sufficient), then you may erroneously conclude we have it better.
But a good marriage, a thriving home is primarily about the subsisting health of the marriage per time. If you asked the parties in it, would they say, yes they are happy with their choice and would choose it again?
Or they're just quietly seething in frustration, each playing their role but finding their joy in other sources like work, the children or the arms of an outsider?
Are they genuinely becoming one every day or they've become accustomed to conflicts as the third wheel in their marriage, but are sworn by either their religion or society to remain?
If the latter situation is their case, we can't put them on a pedestal just because they kept it pushing for 100 years, when we know that children from such homes grow to repeat negative cycles.
In Nigeria, it's an old joke that Whites take life too seriously, and perhaps that's why they have a slew of mental problems.
But if you look critically at all the stories that make our headlines everyday, if you think back to stories you heard growing up, if you examine yourself even, with an unbiased eye- except God help you, you have healed- you’ll see that....
While we may be laughing jackasses as a people, we aren’t any more mentally healthy or wholesome than our western counterparts.
We do not necessarily produce better families, nor are the individuals who come out from these families any more wholesome than others.
Actually, there's alot of madness under the mirthless laughters.
Now, one would say, it is the impact of new-generational ideals and western influence. Perhaps, they’re right to some degree. But it is what it is now.
The new generation pastors are right in their emphasis. There's healing in God, but you'll have to be aware you need it to allow him do a perfect work.
Also, it's okay to take advantage of experts in the field, either personally or by books.
